Looking back on the old dark road

There was a period in my life when I thought survival was an impossible route. This was when I was doing an individual thesis almost a year ago. I knew how crucial this was because without it, I would not have graduated on time and it will really suck to graduate with people I barely know. Second sem started around November and it was so important that one should have his/her own topic already. Lucky me, I didn't pursue my initial thesis proposal that I hastily did on my previous semester. I started from scratch; researched, read, wrote, read, prayed, aimlessly stared at the walls, crammed & almost killed myself for not having a decent, pragmatic topic. I came across Buling-buling Festival while I was taking up another major and decided to use it since it's: 1.) Nearby (Pandacan, Manila) 2.) It was interesting because I was a festival-virgin, I never attended any sort of dance ritual in my life. 3.) Lots of other PhilArts majors did almost the same thing. 4.) I know what I needed to do.

It's an easy topic, kung tutuusin. But when I started researching late December (yes I was that late), I realized how difficult it was and how crucial it is to know what you're aiming for and to really find time to do things out of the ordinary. I didn't only depend on libraries (emphasis on the libraries) around Manila, I went to Pandacan almost every week to research about the place and find people whom I can literally shame myself to pieces just to ask about their festival. I went to different elementary schools, did a lot of interviews and surveys and went to the festival day itself. I was so grateful because the people in Pandacan were genuinely nice and approachable. Imagine just approaching a stranger and conducting an on-the-spot interview (with a formal consent paper, of course) phew!

These are just 2 of my interviewees (there's actually around 8 of them) 'cause I did not take pictures with the others because they wanted me to respect their privacy. hehe! Indeed, it was the most exhausting, desperate and tormented days of my life, whenever I remember going to Pandacan on my own without knowing where to go or who to approach, I remember the fear and panic I feel whenever I step out of the jeepney and feeling so lost and incredibly stupid. In the end, the challenges and the risks I took with my own blood and tears (bucket and bucket of tears) just to finish my goddamn thesis--all effin worth it. So if anyone else out there wants to continue what I've started (the last person who did a study about Pandacan/Buling-buling was on the year I was born) you can send me an e-mail or go to UP Manila CAS Library (well I'm not sure if they placed it there, though) HAHA.

I made this post because I realized I was never really able to express what I've gone through during those bloodyhell days. Maybe I was too preoccupied when I only wrote a blog post about the event itself and didn't talk about the details. Today I recall the things that happened to me for those days that I almost stopped believing in myself. Not only did I experience the hardships of finishing this thesis, I was also experiencing usual but rather tragic domestic problems that I cannot just tell anyone. I remember doing the thesis at the hospital, coffee shops, friends' houses, at the car, at an empty house until morning (I was literally sleepless throughout the last deadline week and did not sleep at the night before the day of my defense!). So piece of advice: DO NOT PROCRASTINATE YOUR THESIS. haha well if you're good at it, then do it. :)

I kept everything to myself even when everything at home seems to be falling apart. God saves and he did. For those days that I thought prayers wont ever change anything---well it did. So for those who are also experiencing difficulties right now, hmmm, I can't tell you anything more than being positive is the key.

Truth is, nothing worth having comes easy. :)

Let's talk food and everything else.

The week passed by with days filled with nothing but sheer happiness. I have my own self to thank for since I've been focusing on relevant things instead of lurking behind gray cloud mornings and 2AM thoughts.   I'll try my best to summarize everything that I should've said days ago.

Hello, Capitalism! This is my first ever Starbucks planner. FYI: I didn't save my well-earned bucks for this shallow, social-climbing planner, if it weren't for my birthday (spent two days in Starbucks), for the double-sticker promo and for my ever-loving best friend (who bought 2 Frappes just to help me complete it) I wouldn't even dare spend my money on this. But for what it's worth, this thing has become my navigator.

Lalalalalala

For a start, I'd like to share with  you some delicious foods that I've gladly met and ate on my 2-day celebration. On the day of my birthday, I had lunch at Almon Marina with my favorite tita and my favorite boy in the world (guess who!) Almon Marina is one of my favorite restaurants because it reminds me a lot of my high school days when my momma and I would usually hang out late at night to watch the last full show and have dinner at Almon Marina. (memoriesss)

And their Roast Chicken meal was always my all-time favorite! Although it was rather disappointing that the chicken is not cooked the way I remember it. But nonetheless, happy tummy with their all-natural Iced Tea on the side! :D

Yummeeey

January 7 was pretty special since I spent it with my high school buddies. I've been forced to treat them lunch (well, a celebrant's conscience) at Bon Chon Chicken in MOA. I looooove the chicken! I have a very well-defined sweet tooth though, so I might be a little biased here. The skin of the chicken tasted like a fish (Cream Dory), it's sort of caramelized or something (?) because it was rather sweet and of course, really tasttttyyy! Yuuuum!

I shall eat you again, soon!

I had dinner with my family on the night of January 7 at Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe, Mall of Asia. Uh, the place is new, and so inviting, but the dishes that I've had there were just simply--food. I don't know, maybe it was too cold that I didn't appreciate it that much. HAHA! But this one.. I forgot its name, but it's a HOT coconut milk with sago (in a coconut shell), this is soooooo delish! A comfy dessert for a rainy day, perhaps. 

Say "aaaahhh"

I'm not a food blogger. I've attempted, but I don't think I can be really good at it. :)) I can just eat and forget about everything else. But when I do some posts about certain dishes, believe me it's an immense effort for me to take a photo and talk about it here. :)) 

Okay, enough of food. January 10 was the birthday of someone so dear to me (that I've already spent three years loving this same old person), we celebrated it as if it was just another day that we used to spend with each other (but with friends on the side). The following days were just about me, him, friends, le thesis and WoW, well mostly, WoW.

January 13--Friday the 13th--was meant to be the day that I'll have these 'things' to help my teeth be aesthetically pleasing. Thanks to my dentist slash cousin!

:|

I didn't know this will hurt so bad that I can only afford to eat liquid. Yes, eat. And not just drink 'em. They say it will only be a matter of days or weeks. No I do not want to be thinner so I'll be force-feeding myself with these goodies.

:(

Yesterday was the ultimate day of my life.

No Saturday, January 14 2012: No Thesis = No Graduation. 

That's how vital this day was for me and my God-forsaken future.

Pandacan's Buling-buling Festival! To know more about it, please check this SITE! :)

My first ever attempt to be a devotee of our one and only Sto. Nino! Some say it's an easy topic for a thesis, yes I'd like to believe it is so, since I chose it and I know it would be easier than experimenting my own topic. But, the more that I dig deep into this mayhem, the more I see how bloody it is to work on it. No thesis is ever easy, I say. I can only agree that this one's easy if I am working with a group, maybe. But since this is all on my shoulders, I'd say please don't judge the thesis by its topic. :)

Fiesta. More fun in Pandacan!

Yes I was part of the crowd. :))

Pink ladies!

Just another picture--wait what?

nothing to see here. :))

All in all, it was an exhausting experience considering that I'm not from Pandacan (so being particularly unaware of what's happening is a bit of a problem) and I've never attended a festival/ fiesta in my entire 21 years. But it was nevertheless a blessing experience! I've learned a lot in a day and I learned so much about relationships. Not just the boy-girl relationships, perhaps everything in-between; the silent rivalries of the two churches in Pandacan finally brought together by the Holy Child, the peaceful reconciliation and the happy relationships in the crowd of the mass community joined together to celebrate this once a year event to bring glory to our Jesus. 

I've also learned to depend on yourself more than you should to others even when he/she is willingly coming with you; when people become insensitive, it'll really be a bother but let me just say that once you find yourself with someone who cares for you, don't ever take that for granted. Loving is normal, caring is unusual. Sometimes, the two don't always go together.