On humility

For all the days that you've held on and for all the days you let go, there is always that one reason why you did one or the other. 

It's too early to say that I've been struggling as much as I really don't want to extend the humiliation I took from being thrown away like a worthless crap. But it is still too surreal to imagine that I will actually end up in thrash. I never once thought that everything will end as if nothing had ever happened. Hating someone is so easy to do. Getting mad does not even require bit of an effort. That's exactly what we both feel right now. 

I learned the value of humility since I was very young. I came from a well-off family; my dad's a great physician and that equates to great income, my mom doesn't work but that's fine because money's enough for all of us. I have never been spoiled by mom even if it's so easy to do. She would give me the things I needed and less for the things I wanted. I remember wanting a Nintendo Game Boy so bad that I would wish for it for every birthday since I was 8 until I was 4th year Highschool that I wanted a PSP instead and yet again they never gave me one. They would give me a bike, a scooter (something like this), doll house or a hand-me-down cellphone in replace of a handheld video game device. My brothers are the ones who always get what they wished for, PSP, DSi, PS3, Wii and all those things. But that didn't really made things worse because I knew right then that I wasn't the favorite. And at the end of it all, I loved the things I got more than those devices that I can get for better versions 10 years after.

I had those moments when I felt really bad about my childhood because I kept comparing them to my brothers. Especially whenever their birthdays come and they get to have what they really wanted. I think I've grown too old for that feeling although sometimes I still feel alienated. But what I really feel grateful of is that mom always made sure that I stick my feet on the ground. I feel as if I'm the poorest kid and yet the richest when it comes to experience. 

What I'm really trying to say is, not only the literally poor people get to experience the real value of humility. It's also a person's choice sometimes. You can brag about money, brag about your new car or house, but where will it lead you anyway?

Humility can take you to many wonderful places. Repair relationships and make new ones. In our family, when I get frustrated over my brother's wrongdoing/s, he will immediately or sometimes it takes a few hours before he says sorry and we're then okay. I always tell them that anger will kill them more so better own up to it and say sorry. Sorry is too mainstream, but it's the only word left to heal a relationship, somehow.

So, for all the days that you've held on and for all the days that you let go, there is always that one reason that made you choose the one or another. Choose the better one, if it makes you happy, if it makes you whole. Choose something that will take you to places you want to, one that requires humility.