Sentiments over dinner.

There are changes in our lives that we can only accept with a sigh.

We try to be someone worth trusting yet we, at often times, fall short on the expectations of those we value. I tried not to gaze at the blurry picture, but all I could do is take a glimpse and stare at it, because I know there’s nothing else I can do. I’m not special, I’m not valued, and I’m not someone they would die to keep. Surely I would be lying if I say I don’t miss them, I’m dying to hear their varied stories from studies, family, to love life. No matter how long it takes for me to be noticed, I’d do so because I love them, though in fact I immensely hope, they’ll look back and remember me.

There are frustrating tactics that we are obliged to follow.

Decisions that we thought we’re the ones in-charge, but it doesn’t always go that way. Likewise to doing things we are so unwilling to carry out, and yet we persist to be obedient and hope someday we would understand and be grateful we did.

There are days when I can only think of suicide.

Morbid. I know. But it is those few hours of wondering why I should continue inhaling oxygen. It is those times my sanity wanders off and reality is starting to sink in. I’ve forbidden myself a million times never to think of this once and for all, it is undoubtedly sinful, I say. Although it is inevitable that it hits me every now and then.

There are people who would unpredictably walk out of your life.

Yes, it is said that people come and people go. Yes, the former is good, and the latter is dim. It’s like your holding water in your cupped hands yet realizing that no matter how tight your hands stick together, water will still eventually fall out. But it is then we’ll discern how far a person can go for us, how patient they would be to hang around and how long they could show their unconditional love. Rarely does it happen that people stay without prior conditions and unreachable expectations. Be very thankful if you have one.

There are moments that we feel dreadfully sorry for ourselves.

Mistakes happen, but as my favorite line goes; “there’s always a silver lining to every mistake”. Sometimes, we feel this way because we thought of ourselves as mere losers who weren’t able to attain others’ strong expectations toward us. We think we’re not worthy of anything because we think we’re better of second-rate. And then we’ll find ourselves at the end of the road, sitting on the filthy sidewalk, wondering what went wrong. It is us that went wrong. Not the situation. God loves us and wants to teach us, to make us appreciate the life he has given us.


There are more to life than how our mind translates it.
There are more to know than what meets the eye.
There are more to love than to hate.


Saying all these makes me feel worthy somehow, that I am not going to let any circumstances lug me down. I am capable of fighting the nerves of surrender, and I do hope I could stay this way for three more years; three more awful yet meaningful years.