Ebb and Flow

AT THIS MOMENT I find myself wondering aimlessly--fascinating on the overflow of inexplicable moments, wondering how I ever came this far, how I never thought I'll come out alive since I left my comfort.

When you meet someone you so ridiculously love, you find yourself at home even when you're not. It's comforting to know you can always run to someone; a cushion pit you can fall endlessly right into and you know you'll come out alive. But at one point, life throws itself at you and you have to make a choice. The once seemingly comforting place you have with someone has now turned into your own well-crafted abyss. You doubt and mistrust yourself consistently as if the universe conspired to make a fool out of you. If you've had enough and have been wise enough, you will eventually decide to make a conscious effort on getting out of the whole damnation you and your lover madly created. I for one thought that I have found my place in heaven right in the arms of my own delusional 'one true love'. Recently I have imagined what would it be like if I stayed, if I kept on watering the withered grass and filthy soil of my decaying loveless affair. None of these thoughts matter because in the end, when we willfully make a choice of leaving our comfort and abyss, we have to push through--day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute--in spite of the ebb and flow of moving on.

Finally, life will then again push you to the edge--in the edge where all that's right in front of you is a perfect swirl of beauty and madness. In love, the definitions are endless and time is meaningless.

 You're afraid and uncertain once again; you're afraid because you've felt it before-- the pain, the sacrifices, the overwhelming 2am thoughts. But in the hopes of finding someone who will accept and understand your flaws, you take the risk, you take the fall. It's a short life we're living, and it is in those fleeting moments that we should decide to be happy, to deny others a chance to beat us down. For in the end, a true mark of a well-lived man is not the amount of riches he earned, not the popularity he gained but the effort to pursue happiness in many ways that only he can decide to do. Part of life's complexities is murdering one's self-preservation in order to make one person in this entire universe to be as happy and as content as they themselves would choose to be. In the end, however this ceaseless cycle of letting in and letting go continues to disappoint and uplift us, we must choose to be a part of its every ebb and flow. We must choose to learn, to adapt and to grow with every ebb and every flow.

When you're in the edge of falling, remember why you're pushed there at the first place. So just fall. Jump. Take the risk.