Blue sky

I miss writing. like once the kind of drug that leveled my sanity and insanity. I want to talk about the kind of things that I once used to share to some strangers, much like telling dumb stories to the sky about what I did the whole day, what I hate and like most about people, what happened here, there, shitbulls and lullaby stories. Pretty much the right mix of nonsense.

Well maybe I can talk about how I ended up here, right now, at this very moment, writing and pretending like I still know how to write. If I will follow my initial purpose, I would talk about the things I miss.

I started knowing that liking someone is a risk two years ago. I started knowing that loving someone is riskier two years ago. If I had been more careful, I couldve been happier. Although if I had not been careless, I would not grow up. I will and have to grow up eventually. Changes are now blatantly occurring, not that it never did, but the actuality of unexpected changes are nevertheless the best murderer I have ever encountered so far.

There are things that I used to say when I was younger; one is that I wouldn't let anyone get the best of me and two is I will make sure that I would never cry for someone who does not deserve it. Unfortunately, ideals are for the young mind, and as I grew up to be where I am now, I knew I had to change those ideals even if it is out of my control. Quite recently I've pondered on the things that I could have done so that things would not scramble into thousand pieces. One must remember, I suppose, that a single reaction, a single (sensible) word can definitely affect an outcome. Here I am now, regretting the things I've said, the things I did, and the things I could have stopped before it even came to the existent of our knowledge. I would have done so many things that will put me in a better position right now, but sadly, nothing can be done, it's the saddest and excruciating fact of all time--that regrets happen.

Facing what seems to be the hardest challenge that I have right now, and resolving them all single-handedly will be an enough reason for me to stop regretting the things I did not do; for they say do not regret the things you did, but regret those you chose not to do. Forgive me, present self if I had not been so wise.

This is now the ultimate goal: to have faith.

Faith in the future. Faith in the present that's chock-full of surprises. Faith that someday, God will give me a better plan, a better outlook and help me turn these adversities into a consequent of a better self. Faith that in each day that I strive to find ways to be happier; I'd look at the heavens and pray for others to not have the same fate as I do.