Vomit.

Sometimes.. waiting is an alibi.

Why would you wait if you can walk on your two feet and do it?

Why would you wait if you want something done and get it over with?

Waiting.. I am done waiting.

*Jean was a good friend of mine, I’d say too well that I hardly understood why I could not like her at all. She was always the assertive, passionate and determined between the two of us. I was not at all close to what she is. She’s quite unsure of herself, but she always wanted attention, emphasis on the “always”. Maybe I’m just mad at myself for not being like her. Maybe I just can’t be the right person that I should be for her. I thought we were friends. Unfortunately for me, she will always see me as one of her competitors. Even if I’ve never been a fan of competitions, I mean, what is there to win for? Attention? I’d rather bury myself than get noticed anyway. What happens now? A friend told me one of the best advices; in college, you do not need friends, you can graduate without friends, plus na lang ‘yun, hindi naman sila ang nag-ggrade sayo.

I felt like I’ve been slapped a million times because of these words and I could not agree more.

Last week was tremulous; all the problems from school to friends and semi-friends are recurring, once again resurfacing until I came to the point of not giving a shit. I already accepted that I’m wasting 4 years of my life because of someone who pushed me into this university that I could not come to love, and maybe never, not until I could find a decent job afterwards.

Life will always give you reasons to hate it, but more often than not, it is the very reason why we should choose to move on, to give life a chance to teach us, to mould us into better and sharper individuals. I’m going to be the person who does not give a shit even if I have a grade of 4.00 in an exam, I’m not going to be the person that other people want me to be, lastly, I’m a very secure person, I get jealous sure, but I never envy as much as I have to bring other people down just to raise myself up. Sadly those kind of people surround me each day, believe me it is hard to fight the urge of turning away from my usual self, but with the little amount of strength and hope that I have left, I believe I am always guided by His hand, and by His love.

I'm glad I learned my lesson, and I'm glad I learned all of that from *Jean. Giving up can be a tough decision sometimes just the easy way out, it may not even be the better one or the best, but it is one of the wisest decisions I have ever made.

Giving up someone is hard, but putting together a broken glass is harder.

*Not her real name