Deafening silence.

I need a break. Sometimes it’s not just a break from the toxicity of school works, not just a break from the monotony issues regarding my social life, and not just a break from the complications I go through with family matters. I need a break from life. Sleep is not even a good way of taking a break. I know it very well that we can’t stop our addicted brains from thinking, even when we sleep, we think deeper than we are awake. It’s been more than a week since my life has changed again, another crucial step that took my family into an indefinite spin of diverse events. Each day, we go through this torture chamber without getting killed, fortunately. Never have I imagined that this time will come, that this time marks the very reason why I always see life as never fair. For most of us, challenges are just mere events that will take place every once in a while, but for me, the term challenge itself is the reason why the word “tomorrow” exists.

I’m not anymore bothered by the issues that surround me in my second “haven”, not that I am indifferent or whatever, I just know that I have lived a life frequently bombarded by these kinds of stories wherein I am depicted as the villain of perfection. Even if I stand up for myself, it won’t matter that much for I am no longer participating in this quest for good reputation. Although I use my silence as a defence mechanism, it is also in this silence that I am able to think for myself and not the usual framework of being selfless. This place taught me very well on how important it is to control ourselves, to control the words we say, to make careful judgements towards the people we barely know, to be grateful for the ones who stay with us, and to give ourselves a chance to be happy.


The words we speak are irreversible. What are the worst words I’ve heard lately? “Mamatay ka na..”


Words may not matter if it is said by an insignificant being, like a parrot..

But these words are important to me.. Because it is from someone I’ve lived with for 13 years. I will hold unto it until it happens.

Silence does not always entail stupidity or ignorance. I love the deafening sound of silence. It calms the soul while it silently screams for help. It gives attention and importance to the things that we recurrently neglect, and it ends the war that could have been worse if silence was beaten by compulsive noise.


Today, tomorrow.. I am safe, guarded by my vague silence. I don’t see it as a defeat. I see it as a peaceful mark to end unnecessary noise and inevitable judgments we get from people who will never understand why we are the person we want ourselves to be.