Effects of boredom.

There was once a 1 year old baby girl who fell off from the bed and her mom didn’t notice her because she didn’t even cry nor made any bit of squeak. When the mother saw the baby on the floor, the baby was already crawling her way to her toy, and her mom wondered how she got into there at the first place.

I’ve always believed I am special. Since I was young, or around 4 or 5 years of age, I already have my own room. At the grade of 1, I was already being fetched by my school bus at 5:45 A.M. I was always the kid who does not depend too much on other people, particularly parents. It’s not because I chose to do things on my own, but because I grew up full of rejections. When I was 6, my brother Bruce was already born. When I was 8, my brother Bradd followed. And when I was 9 or 10, Enzo came. I was never given much attention compare to my brothers; you can imagine how busy our house gets while I sit on the corner, staring into space. You can imagine 3 similar clothings every time my family and I would go to the mall. You can imagine Christmas day with one big box addressed to B1, B2, and B3, and another one for Dr. and Mrs. Lim. You can imagine 3 birthday parties every year, while I get to sing happy birthday to myself in the bathroom and blow a scented candle.

I discovered and learned to accept reality mainly because of the realizations I got from being rejected, and also by the fact that my parents raised me to become independent as I would like to believe so myself. I wanted so much attention from my parents. I was always eager to be noticed. But never have I gotten such attention, even til today, maybe sometimes if I did something wrong.

High School. It is that phase wherein puberty kicks in and the period of self-identity will keep you going in circles in trying to figure out what you really are. It is that time when you thought originality matters because you think you’re unique, but it is also that time when you want to be someone else, someone better than you are. The phase where you thought that life in school is e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, that having friends is everything, that stepping up on stage will make you popular, that having good grades are the best gift to your parents, recess, lunch and going home after school are the best parts of the day, weekends, sembreaks, suspended classes and summer vacations are always something to look forward to each year. There are more and more things to talk about High School. God..I miss those days.

If I would try to figure out the reasons why and how I became the kind of person I am right now, it would totally devastate me. Even if you consider me pathetic, overly-dramatic, emo whatever, I would still be very glad of everything that I have, every piece of me has a sensible part that I would like to share. And if I pass away earlier than my parents will, I want them to realize what kind of person I was when they didn’t know they had a wonderful daughter.

Sigh……. What the hell am I talking about?