Fearless

Some things and even people in your life will eventually slip away even if you tried so hard not to make the kind of movement that will scare them away. Just like catching a stray cat, no matter how much you say, "I'm not gonna hurt you.. come here kitty kitty kitty..", it'll just stare at you with a mixture of doubt and fear and run away as if life out there is much better for it.

Dunno why I'm saying all these, maybe because it is a lot better talking to myself than talking to other people who does not get the sense of any of it. I finally have grasped the idea that maturity varies, and maturity is subjective. You'll think someone is immature, but by the look of how you say it makes you the more immature one. I think everything is subjective. Everything we know about life and emotions are all subjective and widely dependent on our empirical knowledge (knowledge based on experience). I really hate fighting over something useless, I used to love fights when I was like 6? I used to tease this girl in my class and call her "Vicks" instead of her name Vicky, and she cried almost everyday because of it. I used to tease this boy who's last name is "Ong" and call him "Talong, bagoong, kabaong.." and he screamed right at me and said "Tama na!!!".

And even in high school I get into sorts of petty fights and I realized that it just ruins everything that's supposed to be beautiful, like a friendship. Burning the bridge is not as hard as I had imagined it to be. Sometimes, burning the bridge is an act of courage to let go, to give way to new bridges and realizing that if the person really wants to be part of your life, they'll build the bridge for you. It is not an act of some aimless pride, fearless is how I SEE IT. We all have different perspectives, we think we know better, but other people think the same thing, so why waste time and fight about it? Life is a big joke, and I really don't get it.

In the end, what really matters is how you got out of that deep hole alive and better. The more we dig into the madness we have inflicted to ourselves, the more we get hurt. I see that in two way direction, if you're not a human being capable of hurting, then it's not for you. It isn't a long time ago when I decided I wanted to drink this suggested Starbucks caramel frappucino mixed with KCl.. I knew death is the end of all problems, if you want an easy way out. But because of this certain incident, I am more than grateful to lose somebody who doesn't even care about me and have myself back in return.

Let yourself love yourself. Indeed, we don't need too many friends or people in our lives if they can't even figure out what makes you happy at the first place. I count my real friends in one hand, and I don't care now as much as I did before, I treasure these few people I have and that's what matters. Some people don't get that, and too bad for them. I may not have the empirical knowledge of knowing the advantages of having gazillions of friends, but I am sure about the certainty of having these few people to walk with 'till the end of my existence.