Infinity pool

It's only now that I realized that I haven't really written any story about anything that is happening to me last year 2010. I mean, I did write some summaries, but I haven't really shared every detail the way I used to when I was 13. Yes. I had my first blog when I was first year high school. I couldn't remember what site it was, maybe friendster. And then I had a Xanga site, which I cancelled because I couldn't handle what happened to me that time. And then this. But this was fairly recent, 2007. Okay, it wasn't that recent. But the point is, I sense a really big change in the way I say things. Maybe I'm too tired already. Writing/typing senselessly for 7 years? I don't really know. Maybe I'm too scared, too careful almost excessively meticulous when it comes to the words I choose. UP is still very consistent in putting me in-between anything. I hate to say this, because I know it is impossible, but it is too hard for me to be biased. I know this has no connection to what I was talking about earlier, but it's just another crappy story to tell. Whenever I think about gay marriage and agree with it, I also consider the words of the Bible. Whenever I say that this person is right, I think about the other person who may also be right. I don't know why I turned into someone who doesn't go for one thing over the other, I just cannot be fully committed on one thing. I like swimming in-between two pools, maybe? For example, my mother had a fight with some stranger in a restaurant because she went inside a one-cubicle comfort room and then she took too long inside that the person waiting next to her banged her door. My mother was so angry that we just had to take home our food and leave the place. On one hand, I felt angry also because I wouldn't want that to happen to me, but on the other hand I also felt the need of the other person to pee, and I know my mother too well, she's going to take all her time off alone, I swear. Letting nature take its course, I had to side with my mother, because nature says so. So the point is, I have to stop being too careful of my choices but specifically on the simple things in life. Maybe that's the whole point of this blog--to come up with a new vision for the next upcoming years. Because I usually just start writing without thinking beforehand, and I think that's not a good thing.

The truth is, the pool of knowledge is so deep and so enthralling. But sometimes, it can be very scary and suffocating. Why swim on one side when you can also swim on the other? Maybe I'm swimming too much.