Random 4: Careful

"I am of course in love with God, finding Him was such a blessing. Thanking and just being able to trust in Him, really made a big change in my life." -Jade 2007


Looking back 3 years ago, as I read my past entries, I never imagined that I would be where I am right now. I know it is just a very short time. But seriously, none of my thoughts was about stepping on one of the best universities in the country. (yuck, yabang mo!)

"I am 16. a college freshman with the course BS Tourism. hopefully and wanting to travel the world and visit the most exquisite places."- Jade 2007

Yes, that was me three years ago. Wanting to travel the world huh? Hopefully and wanting? Labo ng grammar mo. Tama ba yun? Haha. Although I still want to travel the world and visit the most exquisite places, now I can barely imagine doing that. Having a course which does not in any way relate to travelling the world. Maybe only for The Philippines. If only being a "glorified serbidora ng eroplano" wouldn't sound demeaning as I have heard it from my "glorified doctor" father maybe I could still pursue that dream.

For three years, all the detours, the delays, the uncertainties, the unforeseen events, will always be the reasons why I am still grateful for what I have right now. All of which will continue to subsist in every awakening moment of my life, in our lives. A lot of times it is going to be very difficult. But I know my prayers will be answered in the right moment. God continues to give everyone certain difficulties only to teach the things that we can never learn in school. I do agree that some of the most significant aspects of our lives will be moulded by our own beliefs and faith. Whatever you chose to believe in, it'll affect your words, actions and perceptions of people and other living and non-living things.

I have decided. Now that I will leave behind the things that made life extra special-- to sing, to play the guitar, the piano, to swim, to write more than sensibly, the freedom to speak, friends, best friends --it is not going to be a hindrance because I know there is a reason why God wanted me to set aside the things that mattered so much to me 4 years ago.

I honestly miss being young. The freedom to be whatever, and to dream of anything at all. I hope I didn't waste it on some lame people (esp. lame boys. haha) and lame thoughts of life. I wish I had been the person that I wanted myself to be, not because it is what I want others to see in me. One thing I've learned in college is to not always believe on what you see, hear or feel. I used to be naive and I always mind the feelings of other people.

College, or particularly UP taught me to be rather insensitive. At least be extra mindful of what to feel or at least have the control to put away one's heart from situations wherein its presence and purpose are not really necessary. It may sound vague or whatever, put your personal biases aside because these are what I have learned and not to say it is the same for everyone. See how shit it is? Haha. Probably because of the people I've met halfway, learning how liars they are, how fabricated their stories are just to impress other people. They all have their little ways on how they can get one's attention. I think it is very different from where I came from three years ago, where people are just naturally friendly and will approach you any time they want without any show of pride or speck of arrogance.

Being careful. That's all I wanted to say. Even if Paramore sings otherwise.
Being careful. Of one's actions, words and thoughts.
Being careful. Of one's dreams and beliefs. Keep it. Nourish it. Then share it.
Being careful. Of your words. Words are simply words.
Words have the power to inspire, inform, integrate, and change lives.
Besides that, words can deceive and also kill.