Wasting another night on planning my revenge.

Why do regrets have to happen? When the decision you’ve made is the one decision you’ve always wanted when you were deciding on it. I know, stupid. Kung desisyon mo, desisyon mo talaga. Bakit ka pipili ng desisyon na pagsisisihan mo?

It was morning, early morning, when it all started. Sometimes I’d like to consider everyday another horrifying experience that I will soon take with me forever. So that was one of those days. I entered a room full of strangers. I was having a bad day. No need for the details, just a really bad day. I screwed up and left the place. After that, everything was a blur. I left my reasons behind, I embraced the pain, and I confronted my weakness.

I’ve always wanted to be invisible, scratch optimism, scratch living life to the fullest. So I decided to drop the act. Keep it real. Stay sensitive. I decided that if emotions were to get the best of me, I’d let it take everything. Just for this one time, first and last time that I’d let someone take the best of me. The torment and pathetic expectations I’ve endured for two years, I’m letting it go. I wonder how far I can go. I really shouldn’t have let myself depend on her. I should’ve kept my walls up. But I didn’t.

I was countless times told that mistakes do not define a person. But it wasn’t a mistake. I chose for it to happen. I know many have been sick of my ranting and senseless emo-tional insanities, I don’t have a proof, I just know. I learned to never wear my heart on my sleeve in the midst of careless and emotionless people. It helps a lot. To experience that while I try to be extra caring, I ended up being left alone. Emo-tional? I know.


So is my world really damaged? Or people are just tired of caring? Of appreciating? Or umasa lang talga 'ko? Tanga. For two years all you ever gave me is self-inflicted pain. Pero tiniis ko yun. Kahit na binabalewala mo ko. Kahit na iniiwan mo 'ko. This will end. Soon end. Kung pwede lang humiwalay sa mundo mo, o tanggalin ka sa mundo ko, matagal ko ng ginawa. Kaso hindi e, we’re brought together by fate. We belong in the same world. Masyado akong umasa na magbabago ka. Na mali ako. Kaso hindi e. I was always right about you.

"Don't want to be your monkey wrench

One more indecent accident

I'd rather leave than suffer this

I'll never be your monkey wrench"