I thought I know everything I have to know about this certain overrated 4 letter word. I thought it's already understood that what would seem to have been stuck inside my system is that love is never easy to define. But the truth is, you can only define love so much. Philosophy. Science. Psychology. Even Theology maybe? Depending on your own personal framework, you can probably see love in so many different angles.
If you're such a bio-freak you'd probably say that love is just a chemical reaction of some sort, I refuse to explain further than that. I agree with it sometimes though. Especially when two people actually end up together after exchanging massive amount of body fluids (pun intended). Psycho-freaks would agree that love arose from the need of the human being to have a sense of intimacy, commitment and passion. Yes, we need that. Do you know why marriages collapse? Because at least one of those three cease to exist. Philosophy would speak ranges of definitions about love since Philosophy never ran out of definitions about the indescribable things in this world.
I know a couple who have lived for almost 16 years together. They're married happily and was able to raise wonderful kids. But after a while, they were already losing intimacy and then passion. Commitment is still there however it is not enough for their marriage to work. This tragic love story have an adverse effect to both of them. They've become insufficient parents, unable to do their tasks well, personal and family issues consistently boiling up inside them, ashamed of what happened to their marriage made them sociopaths etc.
I knew by this personal experience that I've consequently feared love. Its deceiving definitions and the effects of its self-inflicted pain. I fear that the once so beautiful and so perfect will eventually lead to a bitter and poisoning ending. And that, my friend, is not only intended for young relationships, but of course the heavy word marriage. On a lighter note, fighting for someone you love is the best way to keep a marriage or a relationship. 'Cause once you stop fighting, then that's probably the end of it.
Appreciation is a quiet yet tough word to handle. Not everyone sees the importance of appreciation. But I see appreciation much like a fuel that drives a relationship forward. Once you appreciate the person's "mere existence" in your life, everything changes as well, your high expectations will be compromised, your ideals will be useless, but your relationship will become better perhaps a little boring, but maybe along the way one of you will do something. I've been taught the hardest way to realize a lot of things I didn't know.
Although it was much of an everyday routine that I have to convince myself that he still loves me despite that I feel differently about his ways. It was worth it. All the tears, the immense humiliation that I hardly swallowed and the notion that I've become the stupidest person that I never thought I'd ever be just for somebody. If ever this ends, it will be my most failed trial.
Because being in a relationship is an investment. By mere economics definition, investment is "the act of investing; laying out money or capital in an enterprise with the expectation of profit". When you decide to be in a relationship you invest three things; time, effort and emotion. You can add money if you want. But these three vital factors make up a good relationship. That's why it hurts when nothing is returned, because you invested three intangible things that only a genuinely willing person can give. What they say about love being unconditional is of course applicable. But I don't think it really applies in all kinds of relationships.
If I had a choice and if I had known earlier that there are too much adverse consequences to be in a relationship that I can't handle, I would've never chosen to be a part of it. But what can you do if it makes you happy? What can you do if he makes you feel loved when this world doesn't really care? We all need someone. However, we also have to need ourselves first, we have to feel okay on our own before being with someone else, I say this because this has been some sort of my mistake that I did 3 years ago.
I needed a companion, it's nice to have a companion anyway, and it's right what my mom said, we just both needed a companion, a best friend, I didn't believe her at first, but now that he's having so many other people to accompany him, he completely disregarded my presence in his life and that hurts. Because I thought I also needed a companion, but I realized that I have so many of that now and yet I chose to stay with him even if he disagrees.
So, figure out why you love someone. Because the truth is, the pain it brings will always be difficult to handle. Taylor Swift's songs are enough evident for that. Figure out why you need that someone. Happiness? That can't be the only reason. Figure out why no one else can make you happy besides him. Figure out why you want someone. If you finally figure those out, then you'll be brave enough to handle a relationship. You'll be brave enough to give a part of yourself, to entrust yourself to someone, because that per se is already a sacrifice because that person can do anything with that part of you, so be careful when you give.
And when you're there, don't be surprised of how much he/she can change you. Sometimes you will get lost, you will act so differently that you can't even recognize yourself anymore. Both of you should start out having a breathing space, a world of your own. I know by experience and by others' experience that once you start out with too much time for each other, the tendency is one of you will get tired of it. Believe me it hurts to be switched to second choice once you started to be the first choice all the time.
There is so much that you need to know, if you're younger than me though, and of course I myself have so much more to learn. Although I think the harsh occurrences that I've endured recently are enough for me to know what I needed to know. All I have to do now is to wait for that day, wait 'til I get tired being taken for granted and wait 'til I have no more energy to give. But I am fighting, yes, but I'm also human, I get tired as well. This would be the last time I would say these things and I'm finally leaving it all here. Even though there is so much to say, I'd leave it this way. I've loved and I've been hurt, continuously being hurt, but I learn, and I learn; that is the most important thing for me now.
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