In fact, I expected that by now I should've already done like a thousand of this. Pft. Only 230? in 4 years? Haha. Who am I kidding? I don't really write much anyway. I'd lie if I say I'm too preoccupied. But sometimes it's the truth. Especially these days. I've been promoted to Manager from being a random helpless housemate. It's not easy. It's an everyday struggle to consistently shift from one perspective to another, from the perspective of Jade the useless, to Jade the trying-hard-to-be-responsible. Another school year begins, random index cards to be filled up once again, 2010 1x1 ID Photos to be given away, countless mandatory payments to be done, and a whole lot of stress to overcome. Since this is my supposed last year in college (I hope), I should be doing some major changes in the way I do things. Being 4th year representative is very new to me. I think CITEM influenced me to be a little less careless, something that I didn't expect for to happen. I can hardly swallow the thought of responsibility, I recall so many moments that I've rejected responsibilities, heck I couldn't even be accountable for my own mistakes. This time though, it only took two months for me to realize that I'm already being pushed to the edge by God/mother nature or whomever to be something more. Which is something that I secretly hoped for to happen instead of me doing the effort to do something different 'cause I'm not actually the "Miss Congeniality" or the "Papansin" type of person.
Since this has already started, I decided to make the most out of it. Scared as I've always been, the thought of regret haunts me even more. I hope everything goes well also to those who are "scared". Scared to be different. Scared to go out of their comfort zones. Scared to make mistakes. We're all scared sometimes. As my favorite professor said, we're all emotional beings, it's normal, but think of it as a big waste of time.
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| Think of these pandas instead. :) Haha! |
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